Well — the Fantasy Football season has come to a close at ShieldsGroup. Most of us will disconnect our computers until late August. It’s clear to all who have participated this year that the Internet was created for one purpose: Fantasy Football.
Most team managers will tell you that it was a tough season in the ShieldsGroup league. There were a high number of teams, each with many roster positions to fill. I thought it would be a great season for me since I had Eli Manning and Tom Brady from the opening draft, but as fate would have it, Brady was done almost before he began. I found myself replacing him with guys who weren’t even certain to start.
One of the unknown winners was Noah, who, although he didn’t place, scored more points than the champion. His Toccoa Combers (a team most consider as having a goofier name than my team) came away with 1940.93 points on the season. Only one team had more, and we’ll talk about them in a moment.
The third place team was mine — The Music Cops. It was an up and down season for The Music Cops, but they managed to pull a ranking, at least. The great thing about being the manager of The Music Cops is what a great bunch of players they are. And they know good music when they hear it. They also can Identify country music when they hear it.
The second place team (the team with the most glorious of names) was Amy’s team. Scoring more points than anyone (2033.85), her Pittsburgh Steelers were dominant throughout most of the season. She won more games than any other team. One team manager after another finished his week muttering to himself, “I can’t believe I was beaten by a 15-year-old girl.” Even going into the championship, most smart money was on her. Amy — you did great this year. I can’t wait to see you on the sidelines again next season!
But Andy’s Browns stood firm, winning the highly-coveted ShieldsGroup fantasy trophy. He finished 10-3 and beat Amy by a dozen points in the championship. Fantasy analysts everywhere say it appears he has the luck of his father, the good looks of his mother, and the brains of his uncle. However, it appears he has the loyalty of his grandfather — a loyalty that is proven week after week in the real football world as he pulls for the franchise after whom his fantasy team is named. We admire your heart, Andy. It’s good you don’t follow it when setting your fantasy roster. You did great this year.
Other teams included The Silver and Black who beat just about everyone except The Taylor Trojans and The Music Cops. You can’t play Fantasy Football with your heart. You gotta play with your mind — trust me, I know. I play with my heart all the time. Joe, you know football stats better than anyone in this league. Next year leave your heart in Oakland and bring your statistician’s brain to the keyboard when setting your pre-draft rankings and starting lineup. You’ll kick tail!
The Taylor Trojans made a hearty run, almost placing third. This is amazing for a team that, in the real world, has only won about four games in the past three years. If only this article had been true, instead of a cruel April Fools joke. We need to be thankful to the Trojans manager. He’s the one who sets the league settings every year. Despite lots of complaining about how hard it was to fill the roster, it was a fine season. Good job Tim.
And who could forget the run those Nomaddicts made? Hey — finishing next-to-last in this league without bothering to set your roster about a third of the time isn’t bad. You might want to think about a better team name next year, though, John.
Yoy! would have made Myron proud. Well — they would have made him proud for half the season. I guess, Ken, you could say that 7-7 is a perfect season, right? Perfectly balanced!
And what can be said about the K-Town Golden Bears? Pooh! John, you just about made the post-season. It’s good to see you’ve passed some of that luck on to your son and daughter.
One word about Random Heros: disappointment. Where did he go?
Looking forward to a new fantasy season.