How do I overcome my perfectionistic tendencies?

How do I stop being a perfectionist?

Some time ago, I read a story about a farmer who approached a driver whose car was stuck in a mud hole:

“For 50 bucks, I’ll pull you out of there.” the farmer offered. The driver agreed and after the farmer had pulled him out and pocketed the money, he said, “You know, yours is the tenth car I’ve rescued today.”

“Wow,” the driver said, “when do you have time to work your land? At night?”

“No,” the farmer replied, “Night is when I fill the hole with water!”

I love that. The farmer was setting a pitfall. Literally speaking, a pitfall is a hole or pit deceitfully covered to entrap wild beasts or men; a trap of any kind. Figuratively, a pitfall can be any unforeseen or unexpected difficulty. Life is filled with pitfalls. A temptation is a pitfall. An error in judgment can be a pitfall. A bad choice can become a pitfall. Some pitfalls are dug by others, some dug by ourselves.

These pitfalls bring pain to ourselves, in the relationships we share with others, in our walk with God, who wants us to enjoy freedom he offers from being entrapped by these pitfalls.

You know the kinds of pitfalls I am talking about, because you struggle with some of them too: Pitfalls of perfectionism, demanding that everyone like you, requiring control of situations and people, indulging in a lifestyle of self-pity, processing life to a mathematical equation, feeling that nothing will ever go right, feeling helpless, blaming others, obsessing about things you should give to God and avoiding problems through irresponsibility.

Throughout my life, I have found myself falling into pitfalls over and over again. And I have learned how the Bible addresses a number of them.

In this podcast we address the first pitfall: Perfectionism.

My notes are available upon request by emailing me here:

~Steve

Generation Gap? It is what it always was….

Years ago, when teaching The Teen Sunday School Class in my church, I noted that while the adults were harping about “The Generation Gap” between them and their children, what I was observing was a Communication Gap.

It wasn’t that the teens were not thinking about the same issues that their parents did. And if you could get them to talk about those issues, you’d find they were not that far apart in their opinions concerning them. The problem was that the adults and the teens didn’t know how to discuss the issues.

The Generation Gap is what it always was: A Communication Gap.

It happens all the time — young people want to explore areas of thinking that adults have already addressed. Often those areas involve controversial subjects, so when the teen raises the issue, the adult goes off like he’s Bill O’Reilly. That’s not a generation gap. It’s a communication gap.

Now, take that reality — that young people are exploring subjects that adults have already formed their closed, strongly held opinions on — and add to it the words of Melissa Taylor here. What do you have? The potential for an emerging generation to find it twice as difficult to receive godly input from the previous one.

There are two roadblocks that cause this problem. First — it’s hard to listen to people as they explore ideologies that are, in the words of some in my generation, “stupid”. But you explored them yourself. If you didn’t, then you just blindly accepted someone else’s opinions about it, and how is that anything short of “stupid”? Second — it’s often simply a combination of close-mindedness and laziness that prevents my generation from adapting to new technologies. Pick up the keyboard and learn. It will do your brain good!

It is vitally important that, when a young person speaks to you concerning his or her belief system, you listen. Listen. Listen. Then carefully, respectfully, and logically offer your own perspective. And second, as Melissa Taylor notes, do it through a communication channel they can appreciate.

2010 Halloween Sermon…

If you ever participated in a séance or watched a medium on television, you know they say things like: Grandma is glad you are living in her house. Dad wants you to know he loves you. Uncle Billy is glad you are working where he worked. Your daughter is happy that you remarried.

What are the chances that all those people would actually be happy about those things? I can imagine Grandma saying, “Why did you sell my teapot collection on eBay?” I can hear Dad saying, “Have you changed the oil in your car?” I can hear Uncle Billy saying, “Why are you working there? Go to college, you screwball!” And I can hear your daughter saying, “How could you remarry already? Mom’s only been dead for a year!”

Why don’t you hear that stuff? Because generally, the speaker is not telling you the truth. He’s either a fraud — making things up. Or he’s demonically motivated — lying because he wants you to believe in something other than God.

There are many reasons that Jesus is better than a spiritist. One reason is that while a spiritist will be glad to tell you want you want to hear, Jesus (the Way, the Truth, and the Life) will never lie to you.

This podcasts speaks of this and some other reasons Jesus is better.