Author Archives: Steve

How to Escape the Trap of Self-Pity

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How do I stop feeling sorry for myself?

Recently, I’ve been talking about pitfalls that people tend to fall into. As I spoke of the pitfall of perfectionism, my guess is that a number of listeners thought: “Oh — yeah — that’s something I probably need to work on.” But I doubt that you felt personally insulted. I never make it my goal to insult you. In fact, I would go out of my way to avoid doing so.

Likewise, when I spoke on being a controller, although you might have noted someone near you poking you in the ribs, you probably weren’t really hurt by the message itself. I never want a podcast to injure you.

But this podcast might feel a little different. You might feel like saying, “OK, Pastor — you just moved from preachin’ to meddlin’!” That’s not my objective.

Still, the reality is that human beings have weaknesses. And if we never address our weaknesses, how are we to overcome them? Part of being compassionate means correcting error.

Years ago I cut myself shaving before church. I’d talked to a dozen people before Lloyd said to me, “Steve — you have a piece of paper tissue on your neck!” I wonder why no one else did that. They probably THOUGHT they were being compassionate. Lloyd was being compassionate. If someone has a character flaw that is trapping him in behavioral or thinking patterns that damage him, compassion corrects.

This podcast speaks of the thinking pattern of Self-Pity and helps you recognize it offers keys to correct it. The keys are hard pills to swallow, but they are worth it.

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How to stop being a control-freak

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How do I stop being a controller?

Have you ever been labeled a control-freak? Even if you haven’t, take this quiz and maybe you will discover something about yourself.

  1. I believe slow drivers should have their licenses revoked.
  2. I am not difficult to please; I just want things done right.
  3. I am a list-maker.
  4. When we go anywhere in the car, I drive.
  5. I get bored when I have to listen to other people talk.
  6. I don’t like people touching my stuff.
  7. I have been told I am stubborn.
  8. I take it personally when people disagree with me.
  9. When watching TV with others, I always have to have the remote.
  10. I take care of the finances in my home. You want some money? Check with me.

Being a controller is almost always damaging to relationships, mental health, and to your relationship with God.

This podcast speaks to our tendency toward control and gives practical steps to deal with it.

My notes are available upon request by emailing me here:

~Steve

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How do I overcome my perfectionistic tendencies?

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How do I stop being a perfectionist?

Some time ago, I read a story about a farmer who approached a driver whose car was stuck in a mud hole:

“For 50 bucks, I’ll pull you out of there.” the farmer offered. The driver agreed and after the farmer had pulled him out and pocketed the money, he said, “You know, yours is the tenth car I’ve rescued today.”

“Wow,” the driver said, “when do you have time to work your land? At night?”

“No,” the farmer replied, “Night is when I fill the hole with water!”

I love that. The farmer was setting a pitfall. Literally speaking, a pitfall is a hole or pit deceitfully covered to entrap wild beasts or men; a trap of any kind. Figuratively, a pitfall can be any unforeseen or unexpected difficulty. Life is filled with pitfalls. A temptation is a pitfall. An error in judgment can be a pitfall. A bad choice can become a pitfall. Some pitfalls are dug by others, some dug by ourselves.

These pitfalls bring pain to ourselves, in the relationships we share with others, in our walk with God, who wants us to enjoy freedom he offers from being entrapped by these pitfalls.

You know the kinds of pitfalls I am talking about, because you struggle with some of them too: Pitfalls of perfectionism, demanding that everyone like you, requiring control of situations and people, indulging in a lifestyle of self-pity, processing life to a mathematical equation, feeling that nothing will ever go right, feeling helpless, blaming others, obsessing about things you should give to God and avoiding problems through irresponsibility.

Throughout my life, I have found myself falling into pitfalls over and over again. And I have learned how the Bible addresses a number of them.

In this podcast we address the first pitfall: Perfectionism.

My notes are available upon request by emailing me here:

~Steve

Podcast: Play in new window | Download