Tag Archives: pitfalls

How do I stop being so cynical?

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So recently I heard that Phil died. You didn’t know Phil, but I did. He was a pretender.

Phil came to church and pretended to be interested in order to get his wife to be a little friendlier with him. The only time Phil prayed was when the Pastor came to visit. He’d have the whole family hold hands at the table and pray together. Occasionally Phil would round up the clan and tell the he wanted them to be in church every Sunday. That lasted about a week. I say that Phil was a pretender because he was. Even those times he’d spend Sunday morning in church, Phil spent Saturday evening getting drunk. Phil had his picture in the paper for dealing drugs. And frequently, Phil’s wife would talk about his cheating and trashing the house if she objected.

So when Phil died and I read his obituary, I wanted to throw up. It said that Phil had led a life of great faith in God, that he loved God and served Him. I have to say that when I read things like that, it feeds something within me that is not healthy. It feeds my cynicism.

I struggle with cynicism. I’m not just a pessimist. A pessimist has a tendency to always expect the worst. Not just a skeptic. A skeptic has trouble believing anything good. I struggle with cynicism.

A cynic believes all people are motivated by selfishness. The outlook of a cynic is generally scornful and negative. Even if someone comes to faith in Christ and has changed, the cynic still struggles to believe it’s real. It’s not a good thing to be a cynic.

This podcast addresses the pitfall of cynicism and gives you some ladder rungs to climb to break free.

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Escaping the Trap of Pessimistic Fatalism

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I love the undo feature on computers.

If I accidently delete an important paragraph from a sermon, I can undo it. If I accidently delete a file I need, I can go to the recycle bin and restore it.

Google even allows me to un-send a message I have emailed within a few seconds of sending it.

It’s amazing how often I use that feature.

  • I say something I shouldn’t have said. Undo.
  • I forget to add a recipient. Undo.
  • Whoops — forgot the attachment. Undo.

Don’t you wish there was an undo button in life? There isn’t. So often you’re left with unrelenting guilt for things you cannot undo. If you don’t deal with that guilt, you will find yourself in this pitfall of pessimistic fatalism.

This podcast addresses the pitfall and gives counsel on how to avoid it, or, if you’re in it, how to escape it.

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How to Escape the Trap of Self-Pity

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How do I stop feeling sorry for myself?

Recently, I’ve been talking about pitfalls that people tend to fall into. As I spoke of the pitfall of perfectionism, my guess is that a number of listeners thought: “Oh — yeah — that’s something I probably need to work on.” But I doubt that you felt personally insulted. I never make it my goal to insult you. In fact, I would go out of my way to avoid doing so.

Likewise, when I spoke on being a controller, although you might have noted someone near you poking you in the ribs, you probably weren’t really hurt by the message itself. I never want a podcast to injure you.

But this podcast might feel a little different. You might feel like saying, “OK, Pastor — you just moved from preachin’ to meddlin’!” That’s not my objective.

Still, the reality is that human beings have weaknesses. And if we never address our weaknesses, how are we to overcome them? Part of being compassionate means correcting error.

Years ago I cut myself shaving before church. I’d talked to a dozen people before Lloyd said to me, “Steve — you have a piece of paper tissue on your neck!” I wonder why no one else did that. They probably THOUGHT they were being compassionate. Lloyd was being compassionate. If someone has a character flaw that is trapping him in behavioral or thinking patterns that damage him, compassion corrects.

This podcast speaks of the thinking pattern of Self-Pity and helps you recognize it offers keys to correct it. The keys are hard pills to swallow, but they are worth it.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download